How should I handle a friend's change in attitude?

Several years ago, I became friends at work with another woman who’s almost six years older than I am. Although we never actually worked together, she worked in a nearby room. At first she seemed attentive and a good listener until her teenage son developed a major health condition requiring several major surgeries, including an organ transplant. I though she was over the hurdle when her husband, who weighed nearly 400 pounds, lost his job due to side effects of depression, then required heart and gastric bypass surgery. After this ordeal, she had several operations for hernia repair and she also had a gastric bypass. She still is facing knee surgery also. Although she no longer works in my department, we still see each other occasionally, like before major holidays and on birthdays. She’s lost nearly 200 pounds since she changed jobs and now she seems distracted and inattentive. For my last birthday, we met for lunch and she never got off her cell phone the whole time we were together. She’d end one call and dial another number right away. I really think that was rude, even considering her recent ordeals. I felt like grabbing the damn phone and hurling it across the restaurant. She invited me out, so at least she could act like she was just a LITTLE interested my company.



Then, after my mother passed away, she said I had a standing invitation to her house for all major holidays. However, since then its always been some reason or excuse that I can’t come to her house – like she’s going to be busy or away from home at those times.



Another thing that bugs me is that when we go out, she’ll order the most expensive thing on the menu, then hardly eat any of it. I hate to see food wasted. When I asked her why she does that. She responded, “Because it impresses people when they see I don’t need to eat that food.” Now I don’t know whom she’s trying to impress. I think I’d try to impress someone other than the wait staff.



When I send her an email she doesn’t respond and when I try to call her by phone, she doesn’t answer, and if she does, she just barks “Can’t talk now. Busy.” and hangs up before I get a chance to say why I called her.



I wanted to know just what might be going on in her mind with is hubristic attitude she’s developed or if there’s a psychological condition causing her to act like this. How should I deal with her?

How should I handle a friend's change in attitude?
Sounds like she has some major issues in her life. She doesn't need you bugging her all the time or being a clingy friend. Give her some space. When she's ready to assume a full-time friendship again, she will let you know.